Tuesday, April 27, 2010

a dark day

Gaby's health today is getting us down. On a day that we get a phone call and an overwhelming gift from an anonymous donor that proves God's provision when we don't even know what to ask for, on a day that we meet the birth family of our girls and get questions answered that we have wondered about ever since thinking about this thing called adoption, on a day I hold my new daughter Macy and watch her smile touch my heart, that same heart is doubting.

Why in the world is this happening? What insane purpose can God have for this type of pain and suffering in a little life? Why THIS story? I want to take her pain away and I have to sit here in a gown and mask and not even hold her. I get up even now as I am typing this as her alarms are going off to rub her head and talk with her, hoping to soothe her into having higher oxygen levels.

My head tells me that God is God, and I am to trust in that. But every other emotion in me is screaming and wanting Him to heal as I know only He can.

I hope that each of you are able to feel Him today. I hope you are able to see Him working and not only know that He is God, but feel it in your heart and spirit when your physical body is too exhausted to remember.

A very good friend shared these words with us today, words I believe were straight from God:

Do not doubt in the darkness what God has revealed to you in the light.

As we walk in and out of light and dark, I will not doubt. I will not doubt. I will not doubt.


  1. As a mother I could not imagine the pain you must be going threw. Seeing Gaby like this must be hard. You just have to keep trusting in Gods plan for her. She is so lucky to have such great parents. This is just one of the many mile stones she will overcome in her life! Just remember that you have a whole community at home for extra support when you need it! We will continue to pray for all! Natalie

  2. Hang in there for God is a miracle worker and just having those babies is a miracle in itself. Trust in HIM, for HE is with you. Your family is in our prayers here at home! Steffennie

  3. God is using you and your journey to reach people all the way in Ohio. God has a purpose. It is hard to see but stay strong. We love you and the girls so much. HB

  4. Praying for you guys...hang in there. We're thinking of you and praying that you'll be able to come home soon with those girls!


  5. Started the prayer chain and it's going all over the USA...

    God has a very special purpose for all this...don't let go of his hand...

    Give my sweet girls a hug and kiss from their Mimi.. ooxoxoxoxo

  6. Gabe and Shelley please remember that God is in control and has been from the very beginning. Although I do not know personally what you both are going through I understand both from the medical standpoint and as a mother. God is the ultimate physician and can heal and perform miracles. Gaby is a fighter and will get through this dark day. Besides there are many people back home that are praying for her and can't wait to meet her and spoil her. Hang in there you guys will be home soon. God is with you. Love ya both Amanda Brown

  7. Keep your eyes on Him and rest in His promises for you, Gabe, and each of your precious children. We are all praying for you back here in Indiana. Thanks for keeping us posted. We are all checking several times a day!


  8. I love you and continue to pray that our God will heal Gaby and continue to stregthen you.

  9. Love you - miss you - praying constantly for you.

  10. Praying for Gaby & strength for you.


  11. Remember, HE chose both of you to be her parents...on apologies. Gaby has someone now to jump up to her alarms, to calm her with your touch, to be her forever family, to love her unconditionally...someone there just for her! He chose you both because you can DO IT!
    You guys are her strength when her bio-family could not be...and thank GOD He gave Maria strength to bring Gaby into this world.
    I is always unbelievalbe that these struggles happen to such innocent little ones. This struggle, this will make her will make you guys stronger as her parents...and don't ask "why"...ask "why not" that YOU TWO are her parents. What a gift for Gaby. Just think if Gaby didn't have you now? You can do this! God will give you the strength you need for Gaby! He already IS!

  12. Shelley, I don't have any amazing words of wisdom but I am sitting in amazement of the woman that you are. Your children are so blessed to have you. You Are being such a witness to the world right now in ways you can not even know yet. My heart is breaking for you while you wait on the Lord. He has such plans for Gaby and you all. What a testimony she will have! I hope you feel our prayers today. I am so proud of you! ( btw your writing is amazing:)) love ya!