it is hard

I had a kind person tell me I shouldn't talk so much on here about how hard visiting Africa or adopting is.  That I may keep someone from doing those things.

I apologize if any of my complaining would EVER cause anyone to not take these steps of faith.  Frankly, if words on a blog keep you from that, you will miss out on the beauty God has waiting for you.

But truthfully, it is hard.  Africa is a hard place.  I have a love-hate relationship with it.  While spending time here can bring such peace, such closeness with Christ, such fun from visiting friends, it can also bring stress.  It can bring out ugliness when the conditions are different than I am accustomed to.  And then when I am feeling annoyed that there are lizards in my room, that I am sweating 24-7, and that I miss my family comes the guilt that good grief, who cares, life goes on.  It is not about me.

So that is my emotional journey of visiting this place I love.  Wonder, Disgust, Guilt, Love repeat.  And repeat I will.  But I hate the flight so much don't ask me right now when I will repeat :)  Give me time to forget how long it took to get here.

And as for my favorite topic...adoption...

Adoption is just plain messy.  Being a parent is hard work.  Don't let anyone tell you any different.   Each journey is different.  Our 2 family adoptions have been as different as night and day.  Just like life.  There is no amount of preparation or planning that can be done that discounts the hand of God at work.  In my perspective, earthly adoption isn't much different than our adoption as sons into God's family.  We are a mess, situations around our lives are hard, and yet God is faithful and pursues us until we are His sons.  And adoption is a life time journey, always changing and growing.

NOW I am not equating myself or Gabe to God, because for heaven's sake I have spent MORE THAN  my share of time in this process whining and complaining and thinking not so great things about Embassy officials and the whole darn process.  Just wait 'til you hear the story of my visa interview this morning!  But when I stop and pray for perspective I am reminded that His ways are higher.

The amazing thing is that in one sweet moment with your child..you know the ones I mean...the look they give you, the smile, the hug, the proud observing you do as they become all God called them to be...you forget all the hard work and pain of parenting.  That is how it works to give you strength for the next hurdle!

Happy New Year!