Friday, June 24, 2011

camps and stuff

Cinderella and her broom
Things have been fun around this house.  This week Laney had a dance camp, the boys had basketball camp, and a baseball tournament rounded out the Little League season.  SO proud of my kids.  Keaton's team made it to the second round in the tournament and lost a heartbreaking game.  Don't like seeing my kid hurt like that, but so proud of who he is and the experiences that are making him Keaton.

Sporting their over-sized Leo gear.
At basketball camp, my two boys came home with the trophy for best attitude.  Couldn't have made me smile wider to know that coaches meeting them for the first time and spending 4 afternoons with them would find them worthy of this accomplishment.  I don't always, but good to know they know what to do when it matters with others!  And then watching Laney perform today all she had learned throughout the week at her Cinderella Camp.  So fun.  She LOVES the limelight and wasn't shy at all to step up and be first to dance the SOLO dance.

This week has been a good family week.  But it has an ever present shadow on it.  A shadow that keeps invading our space and although I don't want to feel or experience it all the time, I am thankful for it and feel a sense of comfort from it.  A year ago this week is when little Gaby went into the hospital and left home for the last time.  For those of you who are thinking who is Gaby?  Macy had a twin sister.  We adopted both little ones in April 2010.  Gaby was born with Congenital Heart Disease—Hypoplastic Right Heart and the added complication of having Chronic Lung Disease.  She was with us for 7 months and went to live in heaven last August.   We were blessed to have her here at home with us for one month.  So many ways our family deals with her loss:

  • The sweet momma at the ballpark who had a baby the same time we had the twins.  She hadn't seen us since last ball season and came to admire Macy and how much she has grown. Smiling she looked me square in the eyes and said, "And who is holding her precious sister?" Caught me off guard and I was so full of joy to give her the answer and assure her that it was ok, she didn't need to feel badly about saying that.  It was a special reminder that Someone is holding our girl.
  • The vivid memory of last Father's Day and sneaking out after first service of church to enjoy Toy Story 3 with all 5 of our kids.  Can still feel little Gaby in my arms as she slept through the whole movie and I was able to cuddle her.  The special "coincidence" that the time Gaby spent at home was between Mother's and Father's Day.  The reminder those days will always be for us.
  • The life lesson as one of our puppies has a birth defect and dies.  Watching our dog keep that dying puppy cuddled up under her neck and fighting for his life when the typical animal instinct is to push a weaker dog away from the litter.  Talking through that lesson with our kids as Kayden cries and clings to me asking why God didn't heal the puppy just like He didn't heal Gaby.  Why God made them with something wrong.  And without any wisdom at all in the moment, just hugging him and loving him as he feels those things, as I relive and rethink them too.  And then hearing Keaton, my wise son, say, "It is just like with Gaby mom, you took care of her and fought for her just like Stella is loving her puppy as it dies.  But mom, this is different.  This is a dog and that was Gaby.  This isn't as important as that.  And we know God chose to heal Gaby a different way.  He wanted her in heaven.  She lived her life."  So matter of fact, so simple, so right.  Not that I condone the killing or mistreatment of animals, but I do understand where they fall in the importance and scheme of things.  This wasn't about that puppy's life and death.  It was the lesson for my kids and me that life and death are part of our experiences.  And things are ok.
  • The innocent misspoken words of so many as they call Macy--Gaby.  It happens all the time, and I love it.  I know that it must embarrass the speaker so much as they stumble to correct themselves.  But I love the reminder.
Please keep our children in your prayers.  I know that it is but by the grace of God that they are doing as well as they are.  They have such love and depth and wisdom that they wouldn't have without all these experiences.  But their momma still worries about them.

This blog post on this date last year brings back a flood of emotions.  One blessing of this blog is to see growth and change in myself, in our family.  I am different as I read those words today.  I have emotions of looking back with perspective.  A perspective molded by the love and grace of our God.

I wouldn't choose any other life for us.  Gaby was meant to be the girl she was.  She was meant to have the heart she did.  God created her to be the perfect girl she was.  I would not change one moment of her life.  She was a beautiful amazing girl with a wonderful loved life.  I was meant to be her momma.  I consider that an honor and a blessing.  Remembering her with joy today even for all the things that should bring sadness and seemed like such a burden and a mess at the time.  They were all precious moments and so worth it to have known and loved her.

Father's Day 2011

1 comment:

  1. Shelley,
    Thank you so much for being so raw and so vulnerable. Your words pierced my soul today and were just the reminder that I needed that God is bigger than me and He is indeed in control. I know that God knows the right child to place in our hearts and in our home and until that time I will continue to learn to walk and wait patiently.
    Love you-Kayla