Thursday, January 13, 2011

First Year

There are many times when I look over this blog that I wonder if it is time to hang it up.  Is the season for blogging for the Browns over?  Have I puked our life out into public enough?  Each time that I second guess myself in this area, someone comes along and reminds me that life isn't about me, and neither is this blog.  Amazing how quickly I forget that!  If something in my life and randomness can touch another life, then it is God's will to continue.  So, let the puking begin...

Next week is Macy's First Birthday.  Birthdays bring lots of reflection for me.  Do they do that for you?  They get me thinking about the last year of that special person's life.  What God has done in that life and through it.  What experiences I have had with them that have changed me, made me love more, made me see God more.

I am so excited for Macy's birthday next week.  I love thinking back over the past months and remembering how far God has brought her.  How far He has brought us as her parents.  I am not too excited that she is getting older, but that is part of life.   

Reflection about January 19th, 2010...her birth day...brings many thoughts and emotions.  I think about her twin, Gaby Hope, that was born first on that day.  I imagine all those I know and love that live in heaven already throwing Gaby a huge gaudy PINK birthday party with balloons, cake, and all the trimmings.  I imagine what she must look like, smiling all big and whole and complete, full of happiness and knowing no sadness or fear or pain.  Such joy that picture of eternity brings my heart.

I think about that first day of their lives and wonder what it was like.  Like many things in life and faith, I wasn't there to experience it firsthand.  So it requires a great deal of trust in my God to know and believe that each of my girls felt love from the first minute they entered our world.  That they were held and loved and made to feel special by someone.  I selfishly wish I had been part of that memory.  Part of that day to see it, smell it, touch it, remember it.  But God knows best. 

As I reflect on that day, I mainly find myself feeling immense gratitude.  To a young girl that had the courage to give her babies life and then give them a family.  To a BIG God who had faith in Gabe and I that we could be their parents and then gave us that honor.  To all those that cared for and loved our girls from January until April, many of whom I may never even know.  To all of our family and friends who, as always, build into our lives and the lives of each of our kids and show us all true love.  To this thing called adoption, that has changed my life and brings me daily closer to the One who has chosen me, chosen Macy, chosen you.


  1. Shelley, I am crying right now reading your blog. You are truly amazing and have a special gift. Macy is such a joy to be around and God has blessed her with a wonderful family. As far as Gaby, she has not been forgotten nor will she ever be. She is dancing in heaven and is your families guardian angel. You and Gabe are awesome parents and have this faith that is so strong! I admire both of you for that. I love your kids and know that I will be there for you guys anytime!!! Love ya Amanda Brown

  2. You are wondering if it's time to hang it up, but it's not just about your life or your feelings and experiences, your blog is full of insights, verses, experiences that we can all relate to. To be honest, I'm the one feeling a bit uncomfortable peeking in here once in awhile, but I'm rewarded each and every time in a sometimes surprising way. I've shared some of the comforts offered here about grief with others who have lost someone. I've just been lifted myself as I look at pics and think of our own special family times. please keep it up:) & Happy happy birthday Macy!

  3. Thank you for all the sweet comments. You are all so encouraging!

  4. We're so thankful for Macy's first year of life. God has used her and your family's journey of faith in countless ways.We are forever grateful.