Friday, July 13, 2012

Pity Parties are not Pleasant

I have been throwing myself my own personal pity party the past couple days.

First let me start by saying that my dear friend, Amber, arrived in Kenya and began serving at Haven of Hope.  In chatting with her and various things going on in her and there, I really wanted to be there with her.  Thinking, oh how great it would be for us to go into town together.  We could find an internet cafe, a place she could get a semi-American meal when she needs to.  We could work out a schedule for her of what she can fill her days with.  We could worship God together at Fiwagoh (had to make some of my thoughts good ones!)

Then Nellie, my dear friend and Director at Haven, went into pre-term labor and delivered her beautiful baby boy, Sean, 6 weeks early.  Last night when she text me to tell me that he was born I was freaking out.  He is so small.  What type of care will he receive there?  Can we raise funds to cover the costs of all that neonatal intensive care?  I again longed to be there.  Thinking, I have experience with this.  Maybe my time with my preemie girls was to prepare me to help Nellie.  Should I fly there?  Why does Gabe get to go on this Visiting Orphans trip?  He doesn't even appreciate it.  He's never been there to miss those people.  I ache to be with them so much I can hardly stand it.

OK, I won't share any more of my private insane thoughts lest you think I am more crazy than you already do.


Oh my word.  You'd think I would know by now that this isn't about me.  I am not the answer to anyone's problem.  Why in the world do I NOT know enough to not freak out that God has it all under His control, that He is faithful, that He loves them all infinitely more than me.

Amber had a productive day today taking children to get their HIV meds.  More about that at her blog.  She is already messaging me about plans for helping Beatrice and Lucy (aren't they cute?) get better nutrition and working on the Haven budget.  GOD WORKING IN HER.

Baby Sean is 6 weeks early, weighs 1.8 kgs, and was born 22 hours ago in Kenya.  He is already out of his incubator, breastfeeding, and is going home with his mama tomorrow.  I mean, really, look at him, could he be any more perfect?  GOD WORKING IN HIM.

I think I will spend more time on my knees praising my Savior.  Less time worrying about why I can't be in the center of every solution.  No more pity parties (for this week at least until I forget again!)

 More time remembering that He has got this.


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